Whether you worship a single God this season or a motley of singing, dancing demi-gods of the 8th dimension of the Omniverse, the last months of the each year are filled with cheer and joy aimed at brainwashing us into having "good will to men" and perpetuating the tenants of Capitalism (such as spending money we don't have or buying someones affection). People get together to play games with spinning tops, candy canes, or flaming torches and create strong bonds that will be forgotten by the end of the night due to drunken stupor. It is a time when people can feel guilty enough to send cards to people they have purposely neglected. And a time when people feel arrogant enough to send picture holiday cards of themselves instead of their God(s) in an attempt to make people envy their superior lives.But this year is different. We as the Conclave are launching off into the new Decade. Away from a decade of ignorance, war, poverty, and angry wealthy urban middle class yelling at the government of taking over their lives and at the same time demanding that it fix their lazy, incompetent lives. As we sit around with our blood relatives and creepily close friends and partake in the last ceremony of perpetual gluttony of the decade, let us remind ourselves of what we have to be thankful for. And if you have nothing to be thankful for, be content that you have your dignity. And if you don't even have that, you can be thankful for your soul. And if you have lost that too (perhaps by going to China; see here) then be thankful that nature and the Omniverse have given you some kind of carbon molecular structure to allow you to exist at least as a figment of your own imagination.
So as we sit around watching a clock for 3 hours in order to celebrate one second, as each second goes by let our resolve get stronger. Brethren, let us be unstoppable in the new Decade to free the poor souls who have lost their way in the dark forest of ignorance. Let us be their evening star leading the way to a path of glowing candles that will guide them to Enlightenment. This is the gift the Conclave brings. What can you bring?



ead positions in corporations. Business control: check. The horrendous driving of the Chinese has caused the death of countless unsuspecting Americans. Population control: check. And to top it all off, President (Chairman) Obama as a communist, socialist leader, as discovered by the astute, smart rightist saviors, has appointed Steven Chu as the Secretary of "Energy"(aka World Domination). Government control: check.



Many people fear that the Red Chinese are on their way to replace the United States as the overlord of the free world. They have adopted "market socialism" as a cover for their communist, authoritarian economy where they sell their women for rice, their rights for opium, and lives for giant walls that keep out nonexistent mongols. China has become so powerful, that it has enslaved the United States' economy, put a leash on it, and has dragged it around flaunting it as its personal pet (and at times has beat it as illustrated by the current economic recession). In addition, the Chinese army has so many people that it is still able to effectively use human wave tactics in a nuclear age (think walls of people).






In today's world the United States of America holds a $12 trillion debt. Regardless of your political views or sexual orientation, it is clear that our economy needs a little fixing. A little stimulation so to speak. There are over 300 million people living in the United States; quite possibly America's most valuable resource. Let it be proposed here today that prostitution should be legalized in the United States and each exported prostitute should cost $140,000.



