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Sunday, December 20, 2009

Confessions of a Congressman: New Military Uniforms

Representatives, I have in mind a proposal that will seem at first absurd, but in reality, will make the United States military machine unstoppable, and scarier than one could ever imagine. Let it be resolved here today that the United States military should make changes in their uniforms.
WHEREAS: The terrorist enemy is a force comprised of Muslim fanatics that are hellbent on destroying the Universe

WHEREAS: Their Holy Koran states that all homosexuals must be destroyed and burned in pit of fire that reaches up to seven feet high

WHEREAS: Muslims are generally afraid of homosexuals, particularly the radical ones which are the most dangerous of all

WHEREAS: According to the Holy Koran; "There is nothing a radical Muslim fears more than a Gay with a gun
WHEREAS: When terrorist leaders read that quote they exclaimed; "I hope the Americans don't read this..."

WHEREAS: The good people in the Middle-East are getting a bit tired of this war we have imposed on them with our technological superiority.

LET IT BE RESOLVED THAT: All combatant troops in the Middle-East be provided with Rainbow uniforms and patches signifying that they are homosexual and that they're ready for battle. Also, let it further be resolved that the Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy be effectively removed from the American military to encourage Gays and Lesbians alike to to join and fight.

The radical muslims in the region will be demoralized and will ultimately surrender, whereas the good people of the Middle-East won't know what's going on.
Also, after the creation of the homosexual state of Lesbonon, it is necessary that our Rainbow Warriors ally themeselves with the Lesbollah.
Victory will be ours quite soon.


  1. Excellent plan. It may also have the welcome side effect of attracting to our cause the few 'in the closet' gays that have no doubt infiltrated the fundamentalist ranks.

  2. Certainly. Futhermore, when our troops see the enemy, they can start running, and running, and running at them. It will be border-line psychotic. Its foolproof

  3. Why stop at gays? We must rally atheists, eaters of pork products, educated women, etc. and thus create a coalition of Anti-Islamic Fear Army, they shall be so frightened, they shall run into their own mines and IED's thus killing two birds with one stone