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Friday, December 18, 2009

Concerning The Stock Market

There's a lot of talk about the stock market. It goes up it goes down, it goes left and it goes right. But there's one glaring problem: it's ruining America. It is ruining the land of the Free, and the home of the Brave. Let it be known that the stock market is an Evil institution (yes an institution) that is out to kill all that is Good. And it is also known that Red China is on the verge of taking over the world.
People cry out; "However will we fix this problem?!" The answer, my fellow Brethren is to sell the Evil stock market to those blasted Communists on the Asian continent. There are many naysayers when it comes to this proposal, but it must be done.The plan would be to first sell the stock market to China for $50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. The Chinese, being easily fooled, would "buy" into this idea, thinking that they would gain a stranglehold over America. But, the truth is we would have a stranglehold over them. Our stock market, volatile, and unpredictable, would destroy the Communists, making them crawl back to the United States like the weak-willed people they really are. When they do this, we will buy China with the very money they gave to us. Then we will systematically buy the rest of the world. Germany, Italy, Mongolia, Russia, and every other country.

Sell the God Forsaken institution.

6 comments:

  1. The Chinese would not be easily fooled, especially since you just told me of this plan.

    The People's Republic of China now imposes economic sanctions upon the United States should any attempt be made to sell this "stock market"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kevin, you better be careful....he's a conservative.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree that the Chinese would never be fooled. We must find one of their more gullible neighbors, ie Thailand. Maybe we hold an auction? We could invite all of East Asia, and Russia too, just for kicks.

    ReplyDelete
  4. We can't sell the stock market! It is actually the cover for a secret (and you didn't hear this from me) CIA operation code-named "Stalk Market." I don't have all the details yet, but it appears to have something to do with Zac Efron...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bring it, Bochicchio got nothing

    ReplyDelete
  6. But I thought economic sanctions were unjust and shouldn't be used for foreign policy objectives?

    ReplyDelete