All material posted here is either satirical or sarcastic. But serious material may be posted as well. Enlighten yourself to the facts if in doubt, Brethren.


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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Call to Duty: Help Achieve Purity of Language

Hallo. Howz yu doeing? Speakingness and reader no fun when sprelling and grammaticalness monstrous and happen around homely earth here today.

Seeing that the language of American, also known as English, is the most prevalent language in the world, many countries have tried to adopt it to signify their acceptance of the United States as their overlord. However, by doing so they have succeeded in butchering English to the extent that rappers have butchered it (u git wat im sayin my fly, homedawg skillit yo. Say what?! Get low!). And just because they "no spreken ze Engrish more gooder" is no excuse for destroying the very foundation of the elite American culture that has consumed the world. In fact, American English is so elite, that we don't even allow the United States to make it its official language.

My Brethren, as Enlightened harbingers of purity, let us move to destroy all of those that seek to undermine the beauty of a language that God himself speaks (the Bible is in English, duh). Let us purge the world of things written in indecipherable formats (especially rap songs). Only then can we, as the Conclave, hope to achieve our mission from the Omniverse to lift the public out of ignorance and into the light. Please Brethren, post your suggestions and methods so we can once again achieve Purity of Language.


  1. english is actually an ugly language

    i suggest we all learn french, german, russian, or japanese

  2. Kyle, the english signs I saw in China reflect this theme all too well.

  3. We should perorm genocidal techiques such as raping and firing squads to effectively rid the earth of impure languages

  4. I find one's diction improves immediately following the consumption of gratuitous amounts of lightly swirled brandy. I say that with only partial sarcasm.

  5. *Quoting Robin Williams*

    "If you want a linguistic experience, go drinkin' wit' a Scotsman, 'cos you couldn't...understand'em before!"

    The language is not butchered until it can no longer be understood, by any means. If "gratuitous amounts of lightly swirled brandy" make a rap song intelligible, then it has knott viol8ed the langwuj rekwiremint.