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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

America: Infected With the Mark of the Beast

Recently, a report was released stating that America has been stricken with the mark of the beast. This report along with a plethora of evidence supporting the fact that the End Of Days is near, it is a subject of utmost importance. It also means that an intricate system of Nuclear Attack Shelters must be constructed underground.

In late January of 2009 a study done by the Institute of All Things Biblical warned that; "America has been marked with the Devil's Mark, the Mark of the Beast: 666." The study continued by saying that; "When our archaeological dig teams were excavating a site around Washington DC they came across a massive beast mark that had been burned into the very ground. It read '666' and had a crude etching of what seemed to be Barrack Obama beneath it."

When the Obama Administration was informed they responded rather oddly stating that; “We would rather not comment at this time.” The United States government on all levels remained quiet with this monumental discovery. The question now is, how are the American people going to handle this? One answer remains in possibly our last real hope: The Westboro Baptist Church.

When the Westboro Baptist Church was informed they only responded by saying; “We told you so.” But luckily Fred Phelps, the leader of the church, stated that he is willing to assist in the fight against the Evil that is about to ensue. When Fred Phelps was informed he stated; “I will stop at nothing to rid this world of the Evil America. God will smite humanity and my church will emerge victorious!” Though we have no idea what he plans to do to help save the world from the Evil lurking beneath our surface, we trust that his sense of judgment will be what’s best for our nation. However, Phelps and his small cult of “good-doers” plan to protest outside of the digging site, hoping to rid what evil resides on the continent.

Further evidence suggests that even the Westboro Baptist Church cannot do what needs to be done. According to Reverend Paul Q. Fordham, minister and cofounder of the East Wood Baptist Church, believes that it is time to repent or be sacrificed; “It is obvious that everyone needs to repent, and those who don’t repent must be sacrificed on a slab of limestone in the middle of our church’s alter. Until we have purged the entire American population, we will never be safe.” Fred Phelps openly agreed with Reverend Fordham by placing a gigantic sign on the front of his church that depicted his church members cannibalizing adulterers and sinners. Although enthusiastic about their idea, there is no clear plan of how they will fund their purges. Until then, Man’s future seems bleak.

Also, the Obama Administration has been openly chastising the two Baptist Churches for quite some time now, claiming that; “These religious fanatics have nothing better to do than fabricate elaborate stories to assert their authority in rural Kansas, it’s obvious cow-tipping has lost its luster.” (Kansas is where the Westboro Baptist Church is located)

It is apparent that the Obama Administration is trying to cover something up. The Mark of the Beast has been burned on American soil, now it’s payback time.

1 comment:

  1. O great Overseer:

    you misspelled "altar."

    Just thought you'd like to know...